~ Kyle: My Coming Out Story ~

Hiiiiiii!!!!!! It's me, Kyle again. Only this time, I'm not making a book review or anything like that, I've made this a personal story that I've struggled with my whole life and I feel like it's time I share it with the world. Here's my coming out story:

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I've known I was gay since the youngest age I remember: 5,6,7 years old, around there. My family knew, especially my parent's. Having now outed of my closet, they tell me stories of when I was a kid, which is hilarious:
1. Being in basketball, not wanting to play, and the only way the coaches could get me to play was to play with the girl's hair.
2. Being forced to play football, and everyday going out onto the field and saying to my coach: "I'm only here because my dad forced me to!"
3. When I was sick, my dad felt so bad, so he took me to Walmart and was gonna buy me a toy. He was leading me to the action figures and car's section, when I was walking to the girl's section saying "Daddy, I want a barbie doll!"
4. They said the way I acted was feminine and the way I talked gave it all away.
(I find them all freaking hilarious, now out of my closet, but back then I use to find it embarrassing! :))

Since then, I've alway's known that I was different: I was outcasted by classmates for being "too girly" or "weird", and of course I didn't understand what was going on because I was so young, let alone I was unaware of how the way I acted gave everything away. So I was always use to being the weird kid who nobody wanted to be around.

Then once I got to middle school, I was placed in a Lutheran private school which my dad worked at. There, I started to become more aware of who I was: I had an attraction toward guys, and having conservative, bible-stricking, teachers didn't help me at all. It made everything so much worse: telling me that homosexuality (I wasn't out at the time) was a choice, and condemned by God. So there came a point when I become self-destructive: I prayed constantly, crying for God to change me, hurting myself everyday because I was gay and that I was making God hate me for it. Nothing changed, and I asked my parent's questions about how they felt about gay people and gay marriage. They were, and are, very liberal and love gay people and support gay marriage (Later turning out the questions I asked also gave it away).

So after, when the school closed down, I was sent to public school for a year, then returned to a Christian private school. And once again, I was once again hit with the same treatment of homosexual's. But, for some reason, I became more defiant with who I was and became defensive about homosexuality: that it was okay, it wasn't a choice, that they deserve to have children and deserve to get married. Of course, I got the wrath of everybody else's conservative views for it.

Around this time too, I was searching videos on how to come out to your parents, and I found Kyle Mcgee's videos. His spoke to me on a personal level, more than any other videos, because he had the bible thrown at him, yet still believed in God. I never saw a video like that again. I believe in God, but I'm not sure about the specifics of it: what the bible says, debating whether or not the bible has some opinions inside it, or if it contradicts itself. I still conflict with religion today.

I was there also for my tenth grade year, and this time I was more open with myself: I started telling my closest friends, then eventually the entire school found out. Then there was a boundary: there were my friends who supported me, but there were other people that secretly looked down upon me for it, intentionally bringing debates into the classroom and causing me to even regret being at that school in the first place. They acted like they were better than me because "I chose to sin" and acted like they were Righteous and superior to me because of it. They treated me like a gross, Factionless (anybody who's read Divergent knows what I mean xD).

The school was super freaking political, especially since the 2012 election's came around. Of course, everybody brought their bibles out, racist comments and dumb prejudice's because they hate Obama. I understand if you disagreed with him, but these people were just straight up racist, and hated him with a passion. But whatever, can't control everything.

And finally, the good part: with the school being so political, we had a teacher who always talked politic's with us, and there were ton's of arguments about it. It wasn't even school to me at that point because all I heard about was teacher's beliefs and how the school felt about Obama. So, with a certain teacher talking about how gay's shouldn't have kids because they would "influence them to become gay", I admitted I was gay in class in front of the teacher. I told him that I knew a lesbian couple who were republicans and had three children, who are all straight, that being gay wasn't a choice. To them, this raised a red flag--they might as well have performed an exorcism on me!

The next day, I was called to the principles office and she told me that I "offended" the school by admitting I was gay. Added on, she told me she wanted to have a meeting with my parents along with the Pastor about this "issue". I begged her not to, because I wasn't ready to tell them I was gay. Only a gay person know's what it's like being in the closet and not being ready to come out yet; so the fact that she was forcing me to come out made me have no respect for her or that school. My friends were on my side on this: that it was none of their business, they were hypocrites and that this matter didn't involve the school.

So, since my aunt drove me home from school, and I was already out to her, she was livid about it. She had issues with the school already, with it being political and all, but this just made her pissed off! I told her that I was gonna tell my parent's tonight and we could figure something out. When my mom came home, turns out my aunt told her--which I wasn't mad at, since I wasn't comfortable admitting it yet, and better it be her than me. She was VERY angry: she was talking about suing the school, but couldn't since they were private. So she vowed the next day that SHE was going to have a meeting with the principle.

Thank God I wasn't there when she had it, because my mom was not a pretty picture from what she told her. She said stuff like: "How dare you put my son through this" "Kids everywhere commit suicide from this, and you made everything much worse" and that this was going to be the meeting. She said the principle was very shocked and hesitant, and she even said "I can't discuss this matter without the pastor here". That set my mom off, so she snapped: "Why? Whats he going to do? 'Pray the gay Away'?"

So I left the school, and I went at a charter school. I've made new friends who were something that I NEVER saw at the old school's.

Being out of the closet honestly is the biggest relief: you can be free with yourself. And as feminine as I am, I am manly also, but I rarely show it.

I started to find my passions after leaving that school: reading and writing. Sasha, booktuber, and one of my closest friends, Erin (who shares this blog and our instagram account with me), brought me to books, which are my obsessions, something I never would have said back then. Books and fictional characters'  have shaped me into the person I am today, brought me through the tough time's of my life, and I am forever grateful for those two introducing me to books...I just hope one day that Sasha would follow us :)

I watched RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 after I was forced to come out, and I was touched by how open those queens are of themselves and I admire them so much for it. Queen's such as Adore Delano and Bianca Del Rio and RuPaul herself, have helped me become more open about myself. No, I'm not going to be a drag queen though :)


***

So, yeah. It wasn't my ideal way of coming out, but I'm just happy that I'm out. It honestly is liberating to know that your not hiding something anymore, that you can go through the world in happiness and being yourself. Because with all truth, theres no other feeling like it.

Thank You all for reading and Thank you to all you guys who were mentioned in this, because you have served a purpose in my life, along with thousand's of others :)

And remember, if you can't love yourself, how the hell are you gonna love somebody else? Amen!

Until then, tons of thank's, kiss's and God Bless ! :)

Book Review! Cinder by Marissa Meyer ~ Kyle

Gather around all Androids and Cyborgs and Emperor's and evil Queens! Today my book review is on the wildly popular Lunar Chronicles: Cinder by Marissa Meyer.

*** WARNING: SPOILERS BELOW! ***

Wow. "Wow" and "oh my God" are the only ways which I can describe this fantastic book! Literally, it is unlike anything I have EVER read! 

When I first heard about this book, I was skeptical, because I'm not a sci-fi person (even though I've read books such as The 5th Wave and The Host) I've never been crazy about it. I've seen the cover's to this series flooded on Instagram and Tumblr and ever Barnes & Noble I've gone. And truth be told...I wish I could go back in time and smack myself with a Louis Vuitton bag.

THIS BOOK WAS AMAZING! I loved the concept of taking the Disney stories like Repunzel, Little Red Riding Hood, Cinder and Snow White and combining them into this sci-fi adventure! And before I started Cinder, I re-watched Cinderella (the cartoon version) since I forgot everything that happened other than the mean stepsisters and stepmother and the glass slipper. After watching it, my reaction was: CHILDHOOD RUINED! Honestly: a cat named "Lucifer"? Every time I saw him, all I could think of was satin...great way to remember your favorite childhood movies by knowing one of the antagonist's was named after the devil. And I also noticed something...the movie had distinctive first's: the mice being the first Alvin & the Chipmunks and the first Chipette's. Another first: the stepmother and stepsisters were the first Kardashian's with their snotty attitudes and emphases on the butt with anything they wore!!

Phew, okay, enough with that and onto the book! 

I loved the book's writing style! The way Marissa Meyer writes transformed the most boring part's of the book, to the most entertaining! The concept of the android's and cyborgs coexisting together, even with the societies prejudice's, was so intriguing. Especially learning about the Lunar's on the moon was so EPIC! Honestly, who want's to live on the moon? I would! (Minus all the creepy glamour and illusional powers) 

I ship Cinder and Kai all the way till the end of this book and I hope they stay together till the end! The Queen? Psh, please, you can't fool anybody: Cinder is aware of you glamour and can control it...so doesn't that technically make her divergent? xD 

My only thing about this book that made me annoyed was at the end when Cinder feel down the stairs and lost her foot and hand. Then Kai is all like "eh...no, your even more painful to look at than she is."...Exqueeze me?! I don't know if he meant it as a joke, which it didn't come across as one, but it made me upset. I shipped them, then when Kai finds out she's a cyborg, he's okay with it, but once he see's the mechanical part of her, he's like "ew, no!" Seriously? And he gives Cinder up to Queen Levana, which was not what I had expected, given most of the time in stories, they love each other so much they wouldn't dare give their loved one up. This made me doubt their relationship but I still ship them, just not as crazy about it as I use to. 

I give this book 4.5/5 stars! 

Before I had picked up this book, just by Erin and my friend's telling me about it, I had a gut feeling telling me that this was gonna be one of my all-time favorite book series...and it IS! :) This series is unlike anything else I've ever read and it is truly amazing! I'm so excited to pick up Scarlet next (: (My review for that will be up sometime next week)

Review by Erin: These Broken Stars

These Broken Stars                                       Rating: 4.5 / 5

By Amie Kaufman & Meagan Spooner
Published: December 10, 2013
Genre: Young Adult, Science Fiction, Romance, Fantasy

It's a night like any other on board the Icarus. Then, catastrophe strikes: the massive luxury spaceliner is yanked out of hyperspace and plummets into the nearest planet. Lilac LaRoux and Tarver Merendsen survive. And they seem to be alone.

Lilac is the daughter of the richest man in the universe. Tarver comes from nothing, a young war hero who learned long ago that girls like Lilac are more trouble than they're worth. But with only each other to rely on, Lilac and Tarver must work together, making a tortuous journey across the eerie, deserted terrain to seek help.

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This book starts off on board the spaceliner Icarus and you immediately meet Tarver, a solider, and Lilac, daughter of the richest and most powerful man in the universe. -We get both of their POVs throughout the book- Their first meeting is great and I wish it lasted longer. Something goes wrong with the Icarus and Tarver and Lilac are stranded on a planet alone and have to survive and figure out how to get home, while exploring the mysteries on the strange planet

*Spoilers Section*

Tarver and Lilac are the only survivors of the fall of Icarus and they are waiting for rescue. At first Tarver and Lilac seem to be stepping around each other and being standoff-ish, but we all know they like each other.
 
With only a small pack and a canteen they trek across the plant to the crash site of Icarus to see if there are any survivors and salvageable supplies.
While on this trek they grow closer but they both know they are not suppose to be together, do to their social statuses. Strange things start to happen that are unexplainable and they are growing weary.    -Not going into to much detail-

Once at Icarus they go to explore and Tarver gets hurt, his wound gets infected and in his sickness, due to the infection, Lilac is left alone to scour the ship and look for supplies and something to help Tarver.
In this time she is alone she grows stronger and more independent. This is very critical to her character development. She was once a girl who had everything and knew little of life on planets, must less how to survive alone stranded on one.

After Tarver is well enough to travel they leave the Icarus, knowing help is not likely to come. They find a building in the woods and they find something major and ground breaking.
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-Thoughts-

I'm not going to continue  because I WILL NOT give away an end to any book, that's mean HAHA In my opinion i thought this book was great. The writing style just flows and the character development was phenomenal. You see the characters change and you feel for them and love them as they grow and change together.

One thing that made me not like this book was that most of the beginning was them walking. Walking across this planet and arguing with each other. But as I got to the end I realized that the walking and arguing was necessary to their development. I saw that the longer they were there they walks they had built around themselves fell and they opened up and finally showed how they felt toward each other.

This book made me cry and threw me for a loop. By the second half you are sitting on the edge of your seat trying to figure this book out. You are just as confused as Tarver and Lilac, not just confused but you are heartbroken and at one point I didn't think I could continue. I thought, "You cant finish the book now, how can you end it now that this happened?"

Okay for one second can we talk about the cover... This cover is gorgeous and I cant stop looking at it. That is one of the reason I picked it up in the store. The cover caught my eye and I couldn't put it down. This Cover and the book it self reminds me of  Across The Universe by Beth Revis

Anyone who likes the Across the Universe series, The Host, or Space travel books and aliens will love this books and the series.

In the end I loved this book, even if it did not live up to my initial thought coming in. I give is a 4.5 out of 5 star rating. I cant wait for the next book in the series This Shattered World.

-Erin

Introduction: Kyle

Hi!!~ I'm Kyle, and Erin and I are starting this account to review books and fangirl over them!!

Interests: Reading, movies, music, shoppings, sleeping and swimming!

Genre's I like: Everything but history.

Favorite books/series: Divergent, The Hunger Games, Legend, Harry Potter, The Infernal Devices, The Mortal Instruments, Beautiful Creatures, The Lunar Chronicles, The Fault In Our Stars, If I stay, Before I fall, The Maze Runner, Panic, Delirium, Pretty Little Liars, The Selection, Twilight (don't hate) and The Notebook.

About Me: I'm 18 years old, I'm fabulously gay, and I live in Orlando, Florida. I use to HATE books, hated everything about them. That all changed in a blink of an eye when I saw the first preview to New Moon in 7th grade and I read the Twilight books. Then here came the heartbreaking bastards: The Hunger Games, Harry Potter, Divergent and tons more! I'm sarcastic, but I promise I'm a fun and fabulous person who loves RuPaul's Drag Race and go crazy! Also, I'm quite unextrodinary. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up. I'm no one special, there are no monuments dedicated to me, and my name will soon be forgotten. But in that sense, I've succeeded: I have long friends and family, and, of course, books. Okay? ~

Introduction: Erin

     Hi my name is Erin. Me and my friend are starting this blog to review and share our thoughts on the books we read.

Interests: Reading, music, comupters, swimming
Fav Genre: YA, Sci-fi, Fantasy, Romance, Action, Adventure
Fav Books/Series: Across the Universe, The Mortal Instruments, The Infernal Devices, The Maze Runner, The Lux series, The Darkest Minds, The Lunar Chronicles, Divergent, The Fault in Our Stars, The Hunger Games, The Legend Trilogy, Vampire Academy, Maximum Ride, Unwind, The Daughter of Smoke and Bone, Morganville Vampires, Raven Boys, and many more awesome books

     About me: Im 18 I just moved to Tennessee and I am in my Senior Year of High School. I haven't always loved reading, i started to love reading middle school, when I was little I never liked reading in fact I hated reading. But i found a book that i actually liked and it all went down hill from there. HAHA

     Here I will read and review books and give my opinion and thoughts. And later on if I get up to it I will start making videos. I hope with my reviews I can get more people into reading and loving books. So I will work my best to keep up and read many new books and see many new worlds. As they say "A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies, the man who never reads lives only one."